today I was asked again if I was dating someone. Actually, it went like this: “so, what’s your deal? you married? got a boyfriend?”
at which point I said no, and B nodded, “that’s good.”
What? WHAT? Why is it good that I’m single? Because you are having marriage issues? Because I’m too young to be serious about anything and probably should just be drinking and partying and having a “good” time?
and later ‘Mundo asked if I missed my ex. In some ways I was completely caught off guard and not sure how to answer. But there was a little bit of me that was angry. What does that mean Mundo? Of course I miss him, I’m not a heartless jerk who snaps people in half and moves on without blinking an eye.
I know why it’s good that I’m not dating anyone. I have some serious idolatry issues and a ridiculously stubborn heart that is heavy with stone and weighs me down in my four mile runs. I can feel it in there, beating sluggishly and arrogantly refusing to be teachable. That’s why it’s good that I’m single and lonely.
But since B, Mike, Mundo, Rachelle, and Slayden don’t have that same worldview, what good is it to them that I’m single? So that I can be more sympathetic when Rachelle talks about her flirts and desperate desire for a relationship? Because your marriage is having issues, or because your daughter’s mother isn’t interested in you, or because your girlfriend scares you when she watches TLC’s shows about brides, or because you just figure I’m far to young to know what I want or need? Is that why?
and why do people keep asking me this? Becuase we don’t know what else to talk about?
and of course, then you have Matt who told me that he expects me to have a date by the time he gets back from his vacation. See? We really can’t talk about anything else. Just God and relationships.