this is from my notebook which I carry with me everywhere which is soon to be filled and then I’ll move to the moleskines Josh and Amanda bought me the day before Christmas. (This is a whole new level of procrastination on the part of my brother. I shouted what I wanted and where they were located in Borders as I walked out the door of the store and headed to Christmas Eve service… But hey. I needed them. And thank you for blessing me! because I got ’em). Anyway. It’s written in the guise of characters from the novel I just “finished” and am transcribing now. But I don’t know if it will make it in. I just thought, in case it doesn’t make the cut, a few of my friends ought to read it and be reminded that it’s all okay and we’re married and covenanted and that isn’t going to change.
David told me last night that GOd doesn’t forsake us, he doesn’t break covenants. He said I should know better than to suggest such things. I almost laughed.
But it is true.
God does not leave. I have strayed from the path, sure. But Abba has not. He stands and waits. It’s like he knows that I will come back. David calls it predestination, my membership among the elect–chosen fro salvation and heaven. But I am no Calvinist. My childhood among the Catholics says there are unforgivable sins. I was raised in this teaching.
But there, I think the Catholics are wrong.
No one knows themselves well enough to confess all their sins. The measure of my uncofessed faults could fill the sea. And yet, Abba forgives me. Abba loves me.
I was baptized as an infant. I was promised to the Father and the grace of God was marked on me by water.
And when I met him in the cathedral at Christmas time, the seal was cemented and the covenant confirmed. David swore to me last night that God will not fail. He will not break covenant. NO matter my backsliding, my failure, my doubt, my fear, I will not be left. I will not be cast aside.
The world leaves.
With arms open wide, I am always welcomed home.
I was marked with water, saved by faith, burned in worldly fire and by God’s grace I am slowly coming home.
step, by labouring step.
I am coming home.