No, no, it’s not my engagement.

Caitlin called me recently. She stuttered a bit awkwardly as she announced the news. “Um,” and I think I knew the words before they came out, “Twaan’s engaged.”

there was a short pause. And then my hands flew up in the air.

“I win the bet with Daniel!” I exclaimed. And I can just imagine Caitlin’s startled face on the other end of the phone line some 1400 miles away.

“That was not the response I was expecting.”

But more than just the bet, I was legitimately excited. Sure, we all call him “the boy I was supposed to marry” but in the long run, we know it isn’t true. We’d’ve driven each other crazy within six months of marriage. And clearly, it’s weird to think of him with someone else. I’m sure she’s sweet and precious and loving but sometimes it’s still weird to think of Twaan saying I love you to someone other than me.

And yet, it was such a relief to hear the news. First from Caitlin, then from Jana.

When I broke up with him, Twaan sort of scared me. He cried. Most boys don’t cry. And that was the worst part of it–knowing that I had hurt someone so deeply that they would be unable to hide the sorrow and pain that I had wreaked in their life.

And I thought to myself: What if he never finds love again? What if he never finds another girl? What if I’ve ruined him?

But this woman, she looked at him and took his broken pieces and said that they would put them back together again. I love that. I love her for that. I don’t know her or anything about her, but I’ll tell you what I do know.

She’s a better woman than I was. She’s kinder and more patient and loving than I could ever hope to be. Its’ funny to think of him with someone else. It’s bizarre to bless the name of the woman who will soon be living out what were once my dreams. But it’s so glorious to know that God healed the broken heart that I had ground under foot and that He has blessed a very good man so richly.

And I think it’s a great testament to the power of the Holy Spirit that I am thrilled for him.

I’m not even jealous.

I’m just plain and simple happy.

He’s getting married! He’s going to be a father some day! He’s going to have someone to love and to hold and to cherish and they are going to be so cute and happy.

ah, Notee. I wish you the best. Seriously. She seems wonderful. I can only hope someday to be as lucky as the two of you.


2 responses

  1. You’re great. Truth be told, I’ve been married six years and I will have the exact reaction when my ex gets engaged. So happy for him. Relieved. And yet… still weird.

    • Thanks Kacie! I also just spoke with another guy I dated and had a similar experience. He’s not engaged, but he was telling me all about this great girl he has met and fallen for. And I was super excited for him. Like, jumping up and down kind of excited. This guy is also close to my heart because when we dated (briefly!) he wasn’t a Christian and now he is and I’m just so stoked at the work of God. I think he really is good, as evidenced in the lives of these boys becoming men.

      I’m so glad that you’ve had (or think you’ll have) a similar experience. I thought maybe I was just weird at first….especially when Caitlin was so surprised at my reaction. So it was great to hear similar sentiments from you.

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