New Years

Well, this post will be quick. I’m heading out the door to see a friend’s new place before we head up the mountain for some ice skating and fireworks this evening.

 

I just finished lunch with an old friend from high school who I’ve kept in touch with over the years. There were a few awkward lapses in conversation. I suppose that happens when you only see each other once a year. But over all it was quite a lovely time.

I was sitting across the table from this friend and I couldn’t help thinking over all the things that have changed in the past year.

I like blue grass music for instance. I never would have predicted this, but the Avett Brothers have sidled up next to Mumford and Sons as one of my favourite bands.

I have learned a lot about intentionality this  year: with friends, with school, with family, with God and most recently with singleness.  It’s incredible that actually forcing yourself to consider why you’re single and why you must love God above all else can actually be incredibly beneficial.

I’ve learned a lot of humility. let’s be honest. I have a LOT more to learn. But I have learned some humiliation and I’ve learned the grace and beauty that comes with letting go and being happy with who God has made me to be (even when that person isn’t perfect and doesn’t know what she’s doing).

And I’ve learned that while a lot of things change: a lot of things stay the same.

I still have a temper.

I am still the most selfish person I know.

I still love geeky sci-fi shows.

I’m still a nerd who reads theology and history books for fun.

I still like to sing.

I still like to laugh.

I still like to drive too fast. I’m still competitive, after all.

 

I’m looking at this new year of 2012 and wondering if it will end the whole world? Or if we’ll just go on living as we always have? I’m looking at 2012 and wondering how much of it I’ll still live in fear and insecurity? Or if I’ll learn to embrace my clumsy steps and start running forward with arms flung open wide? I’m looking at tomorrow and wondering if it will just be like today? Or will something actually change?

and then, I’m looking at 2012 and I can’t help but think:

it doesn’t really matter.

I’m going to see fireworks tonight and go ice skating. I’m also going ice skating later in January. And there will be fireworks in July. Maybe I’ll be single this time next year. Maybe something will have happened and I’ll be married. Maybe I’ll have a steady job and a better plan for after school. Or maybe, in my procrastination, I’ll have just started looking at PhD programs and won’t have a clue about 2013.

Either way, I think I’ll be pretty happy with whatever the outcome.

Happy New Year my friends.

 

don’t make too many resolutions that we both know you won’t keep.

but don’t live in regrets. It’s a new year! go forward!

{I don’t have time to maintain these regrets when I think about…the way…he loves us!}

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