quotables

I went to the stock show with my friends Corey and David. Corey is from California, David is blind. It was a unique experience. After running into David, a woman apologized and then–on realizing he was blind–kept apologizing until we’d gotten past her. David has quite the knack for sarcasm:
“I don’t understand why people start apologizing more when they realize I’m blind. I mean, it’s like, ‘oh my gaw! you’re blind! I’m sorry! It’s so much worse than running into a person who can see! It’s not like they have feelings!'”
later:
“People just say stupid stuff, you know? Like, my favourite is when guys say, ‘man, you’re so lucky you’re blind. You must not struggle with lust at all.’ What?! Right, because blind people don’t have sex drives.”
or
“Yeah, the other good one is when people at church come up and tell me, ‘you’re so lucky to be blind so you don’t have to see all the sin and evil in the world.’ I want to be like, you didn’t see the Holocaust, did you? Does that mean you don’t know what happened?”

last night in class, while going over the syllabus, my professor was trying to explain what might be a suitable excuse to miss one of our three quizzes: “none of this, ‘oh, I’m going on vacation’ no, no, that’s not my problem. A good excuse would be…something like a fatal car accident. Or perhaps loss of limb during a ski accident.”
fatal car accident? You’re right that’s a good excuse, because it was fatal!

 the same professor also told a story to illustrate improper use of a computer in class. “I was listening in on a lecture–evaluating an adjunct. So I sat in the back of class and watched a student who was on Facebook almost the entire class. It was really distracting for even myself, so afterwards I went up to him. He was a very short man [Professor is very tall] so I stood really close to him, just to make a point as I towered over him and said, ‘you know, it’s really disrespectful to do that while you’re in class and it’s also quite distracting for other students as well.’ The student gave me this look and in a snotty voice said, ‘and who are you?’ [gasp from class] Yes, so then I told him who I was and he sort of stuttered, ‘oh! I’ve always wanted to meet you!’ Well, now you have.”

and now, I’m going to stop procrastinating on that 10 page behemoth waiting to be created.

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