timing and lyrics

I’ve been trying to stay away from updating on my personal life in the way that I used to. I don’t need this blog to be a foray into my personal world. I don’t mind writing about school, or about God and what I’m learning. But I don’t care to update the internet on my relational status, my hurt and woes, my personal triumphs as I stumble through life.

But today, I thought this was worth sharing. You see, God has confused me lately, he gives things briefly, takes them away, asks for more patience, gives greater gifts than the first. I’m learning he’s not only the God of my personal life but of my church, my nation, my world. It’s taken a great deal of pressure off of my shoulders and it has also made me immensely grateful for the little moments when God seems to clearly sweep into my world.

He did that last weekend. My roommate had gone to a concert given by JJ Heller and her husband. I would have gone if I hadn’t had class, and if I’d wanted to splurge a bit on my social budget. But I went to school and I saved my money. Saturday morning, however, my roommate and I ate breakfast together and she put on some of JJ’s music that she’d bought the day before.

I was facing the task of calling the half bearded kid. I had to know what was going on. Two dates, family hang out time and then a sudden plummet of activity. It’s a daunting moment, to finally call someone and ask them what the heck they’re doing to your heart when you haven’t even given it to them. In the midst of knowing that would be an awful conversation that would either end well (and embarrassing) or would end with disappointment; my roommate’s playlist moved to my favorite JJ Heller song. Molly, of course, had no idea. But I think that’s sometimes how God works.

I needed to hear it. And without knowing it, my roommate gave me a great gift that pulled me quite a ways through my afternoon when the phone call ended in incredible disappointment. So here are the lyrics to said song.

He cries in the corner where nobody sees
He’s the kid with the story no one would believe
He prays every night, “Dear God won’t you please
Could you send someone here who will love me?”

Who will love me for me
Not for what I have done or what I will become
Who will love me for me
‘Cause nobody has shown me what love
What love really means

Her office is shrinking a little each day
She’s the woman whose husband has run away
She’ll go to the gym after working today
Maybe if she was thinner
Then he would’ve stayed
And she says…

Who will love me for me?
Not for what I have done or what I will become
Who will love me for me?
‘Cause nobody has shown me what love, what love really means

He’s waiting to die as he sits all alone
He’s a man in a cell who regrets what he’s done
He utters a cry from the depths of his soul
“Oh Lord, forgive me, I want to go home”

Then he heard a voice somewhere deep inside
And it said
“I know you’ve murdered and I know you’ve lied
I have watched you suffer all of your life
And now that you’ll listen, I’ll tell you that I…”

I will love you for you
Not for what you have done or what you will become
I will love you for you
I will give you the love
The love that you never knew.

{JJ Heller, Love Me}

There are times when you can’t even pretend.
It’s like laying in the snow and saying it’s not cold.

{Stacey}

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